Kill us now; our life's complete.

 

 

BUT, Before we do the debunking we must do de business.

 

 

Bill Kenney provided a preamble to the normal 'hand over heart' routine, taking us to the U.S. cemetery in Normandy. If ever there were proof that the U.S. has no visions of empire, it can be read in stone there: "All we need is land to bury our dead."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dave Skromme enabled the club to sing the praises of President A-tony: Three verses of Jailhouse Rock. Rock, we didn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Webb took a little skin off the old Presidente with an invocation that sounded more like a revocation, and we quote:

 

"Creator God, we give thanks for this Day, this fellowship and this food. And we give thanks for your servant President Tony Villanueva and his gift of enthusiastic leadership and unselfish service. He makes it look easy.

And we give thanks that his reign of terror, of Internet snooping into our private lives, and his wallet-whacking euphemism of philanthropic opportunity is finally over.

He is now deposed from the head table and condemned to sit among the masses.

And we give thanks for President-elect Chris Eckert as he climbs to the head table. Today will be his last newscast…do I hear an 'Amen?'

Next week he'll start a new Rotary year, and we pray that he is kind and benevolent.

Do I hear an 'Amen?'"

Deed he did.

 

 

Chris Eckert got to do another newscast. He was in the 'Not Ready at Any Time Players' cast. He took over the gavel. He gets to tell another, ahem, joke? But, he's been building up to this one and arraigned himself well: Kenney, Brian Sullivan and President-T die and wake up in a giant room with three doors (there's another version of this one that cannot be told in a family newsletter). A booming voice commands Kenney to open door number one, behind which is a ferocious bear. "You have sinned," the voice says, "therefore you are doomed to eternity with this bear." Next is Sullivan, who is commanded to open door number two, behind which is a roaring, angry lion. "You have sinned," the voice says, "and must spend eternity with this lion."

Tony, by now quaking like the Tin Man, is commanded to open door number three. There appears Kim Kardashian. "Kim Kardashian," the voice booms, "you have sinned…"

 

 

Bo Whitehill is back in circulation, kind of, with a torn Achilles tendon. He's wearing a boot while the docs wait for the possibility it will reattach. Kristen Jensen is suffering with a back problem, but expects to return soon. John DeRussy also suggested that President Tony was suffering 'Past-president Syndrome,' to which the short-timer replied, "I'm having withdrawal." Hold your cards and letters.

 

 

No registry has been provided, so every one of the following names will be misspelled, the Rotarians' also out of fairness: Cherry Angles introduced Ricardo Artelich, a videographer; Larry Pattemdown introduced Ross Marlin, general manager for CalWater; Hick Burnitt introduced Nicole Shrock. Visitors also included Bess Payne, Frank From Chico and (we know we'll get this right), Debbie Villanueva, long-suffering spouse of our soon-to-be-sentenced President.

 

 

Taking advantage of his last opportunity to lord it over the proceedings, Presiden-T read his favorite Cliff Doctorman passage from "If I Could Be President Again." From the wings a voice: "Would you like to?" "No thank you," Tony responded. Chris Eckert wept.

 

 

Kudos to Chris Eckert, Kitty Lopez, Jodi DeSmidt, Brian Sullivan, Bill Kenney and, of course, the inimitable Anne LeClair, who annually upholds a tradition of more than three decades by forcing various members of the club to cross dress, pretend they know their lines, fake acting and generally deliver so many groaners one after the other that audience members are left with the frozen smile you get listening to a Chris Eckert newscast.

It was funny, foolish and frivolous…and then the debunking started.

Anyway, Tony maintained himself in good order, seemed to enjoy the punishment — hey, he's outta here, man! — and, cuffed and sentenced, was transported to an indeterminate term as a civilian Rotarian.

 

 

For her many contributions that help stabilize and organize the club's finances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Congratulations Past-president Tony and good luck to President Chris. You're gonna need it!